Deadpool here to talk turkey. Specifically, how to properly slice up your delicious oven-baked bird to ensure a fun and festive family feast.
To start, make sure your bird is well-rested. A good 20-minute nap should be enough to evenly distribute Mr. Waddle's juices. Otherwise, you'll get fluids everywhere.
With its roasted rear toward you, hold the drumstick and slice the skin on the inside of the thigh — exposing the leg joint. Apply light pressure until you hear a "pop" and cut between the joint — ensuring your bird has limited mobility on the off chance of a zombie turkey apocalypse.
Hold the removed 'thleg' (connected thigh 'n' leg piece) drumstick up and with the precision of an Olympic figure skater, bring your kitchen steel through the back of the knee joint — separating the drumstick from the thigh. Now go for the gold and do it again on the other side. Or maybe your partner can do one while you do the other, all synchronized-like (see figure skaters).
By now your turkey's torso should resemble "middle-of-the-movie" Lieutenant Dan, which means it's time to clip your beautiful bird's wings like a Pegasus at the glue factory. So, just like we did before, find the wing joint, pop it — slice, separate and BAM! Nice work, Emeril — enjoy your wings and drumettes.
Next, after asking permission, gently feel around the top of your bird until you find the keel bone in the middle of your turkey's topside. Cut along the side of it, making long shallow slices, and follow the curve of the rib cage as your other hand gently pulls away the breast meat.
Finally, with your beautiful breasts set gently on the cutting board, we're going to carefully slice them against the grain, so that everyone gets a bite of that deliciously crispy George Hamilton-colored skin.