Summer is a wonderful season full of bright colors and delicious desserts, but for women who happen to sweat a lot (like myself, hi!), it's the slickest, slimiest time of the year. Here are the 22 thoughts those of us with a tendency to over-perspire always have.
1. "I cannot believe I spent all winter wishing the weather was warm."
It was so not worth the wait.
2. "I should just migrate to Alaska."
I hear it's nice this time of year.
3. "How's my makeup look?"
Oh, like I've been crying.
4. "I'm so glad I put effort into my appearance today."
Wait, no, nevermind.
5. "Do I have sweat stains?"
Oh my god, I bet I have sweat stains.
6. "How sneakily can I check if I have sweat stains?"
...And is anybody going to notice if I do a quick sniff?
7. "Oh cool, I have sweat stains."
8. "Of course I ran into literally everyone I don't want to see today."
9. "And of course, none of them are sweating at all."
How does everyone else stay so perfect?!
10. "The day I decide to wear gray, it's 85 degrees by noon."
Of course. Thank you, universe.
11. "I need to get up from this chair right now."
Is everyone going to know I was sweating my butt off in it?
12. "Should I bring a jacket just in case it's cold tonight? "
At this point, I can't even imagine it ever being cold again.
13. "Did I put on enough deodorant today?"
Oh god, I'm going to get fired for making the office smell.
14. "Is everyone looking at my sweat mustache?"
And how the heck can I fix it without ruining my lipstick?
15. "I should start wearing leggings so people will think I've been at the gym."
Yup, that's me, the sweaty lady who's been working out all day long.
16. "Is it socially acceptable to sit with my head in the fridge?"
Just asking for a friend.
17. "No, partner, I do not want to cuddle."
Cuddling leads to an even bigger pool of sweat.
18. "Why even bother buying light shirts?"
They just get yellow stains every. single. summer.
19. "Why do movies pretend sweating is sexy?"
I'm pretty sure these sweat marks are about as far away from "sexy" as humanity can get.
20. "What's crawling on my face?!"
Oh, it's just a giant drip of sweat running down.
21. "I wonder if I can just convince everyone I got caught in the rain."
Yeah, that'll work.
22. "Dear everyone: Please don't make me do anything that requires lifting my arms."
No hugs. No handshakes. No waving to the neighbors. No arm stuff, period.